Reclaiming Yourself After Baby Years: Self Investment Guide

Motherhood absolutely transforms every aspect of life. Throughout the baby years, it’s completely normal for mommas to focus most of their energy towards feeding schedules, school runs, bedtime rituals, laundry, meals, and keeping the rest of the household functioning. Somewhere along the way, putting yourself first can become lost in the shuffle. Reclaiming yourself after baby years is about remembering you’re important too and selfish isn’t the word for investing time back into yourself. It’s necessary. 

After babies and toddlers grow up enough to where they don’t need you every second of the day, many mommas experience a weird sense of freedom and confusion. Sure you finally have time to yourself again, but what do you do with it? Who were you before kids again? It’s common to feel a little lost after spending years focused on everyone else. But that feeling also marks the start of an exciting new chapter.

Learning how to invest in yourself after kids isn’t about trying to become your old self back. Instead, it’s about finding out who you are now.

Why Do So Many Moms Lose Themselves in the Baby Years?

Feeding and caring for infants and toddlers require a lot of emotional and physical attention. They rely on you for basically everything. It’s not uncommon for moms to begin neglecting their own goals, hobbies, health, friends, or appearance because they simply don’t have any time or energy left at the end of the day.

This change doesn’t happen overnight. You start working out less because you’re constantly tired. Maybe you stop styling your hair and wearing makeup because you just aren’t “worth it.” You forget what your hobbies were before kids because you literally have no time to think about yourself. Before you know it, years have gone by and you realize you spent most of your energy and attention on your kids (and possibly your partner).

While these realizations can be scary and emotional, they can also bring a sense of empowerment once you realize you have the power to change things.

How to start: 

• What makes you feel confident and beautiful? 
• What activities used to energize you? 
• What goals have you neglected for years? 
• What pieces of yourself do you want to find again?

The answers to these questions  are important to think about because having kids will only be a portion of your identity.

Self Investment Will Look Different for Everyone 

Every moms path to self-rediscovery will be different. Maybe self investment means going back to school for you or chasing a career goal you’ve always had. Maybe it means taking better care of your physical health, rebuilding your confidence, strengthening relationships with friends or family, or simply making time for hobbies again.

The most important part is that you are investing in YOU.

A lot of moms feel guilty for investing in themselves. Society praises moms for selflessly caring for children, but they ridicule moms who spend time alone or want to feel good again. Here’s the thing: taking care of yourself is taking care of your family too. Your children will notice when you feel good again. They’ll notice when you’re more energized, happier, and emotionally healthy.

Examples of self-investment Include: 

• Exercise 
• Therapy or life coaching 
• Travelling Solo 
• Making new friends 
• Updating your wardrobe 
• Cosmetic procedures/surgery 
• Creative hobbies 
• Sleep/wellness 
• Finance goals 
• Learning new skills 

Every change will look different because every woman’s needs will be different.

Tips for Regaining Confidence after Pregnancy and Motherhood

Motherhood often causes confidence to take a hit. Whether it’s due to lack of sleep, little time to yourself, or endless bags under your eyes, kids can really wear you down. Your body also goes through crazy changes after pregnancy. Breasts change, hormones fluctuate, you gain weight, you lose weight, you deal with stress, you get older. Some moms breeze through these changes effortlessly. Others struggle to feel confident or reconnect with the version of themselves they used to be.

Self-care comes in many forms. Some women feel more confident by working out and eating healthy. Others try to rebuild their confidence by focusing on skin care, fashion, or wellness.

Some mothers even find cosmetic procedures or surgery help them feel confident again. Procedures like breast augmentations can be considered after pregnancy and breastfeeding affect breast size and shape.

There is no wrong way to feel good about yourself again. These decisions are personal but remember that it’s not selfish to want to feel like yourself again.

Take Small Steps 

Many moms don’t know where to start when trying to reclaim themselves. Large life changes can be scary and somewhat overwhelming. It’s hard to just start going to the gym everyday when you haven’t had time to yourself in over 5 years.

You have to start somewhere. 

Tiny steps can include: 

• Waking up 30 mins earlier to have some alone time
• Going on daily walks by yourself
• Making doctor appointments you’ve been putting off 
• Reading books again 
• Joining the gym 
• Reconnecting with old friends 
• Trying to plan 1 goal for yourself each month

You don’t have to completely change your entire routine overnight.

Release The Pressure to “Bounce Back” 

Society has put so much pressure on moms to “bounce back” after kids. Take makeup tutorials for example. Every other video you watch is about how to look good as a mom or hide certain flaws when you’re “too busy” for skincare. It’s ridiculous and absolutely unrealistic. 

Having kids changes your life forever. That doesn’t mean your body, confidence, or goals aren’t important. It means you have to figure out how to adapt to your new normal.

Let go of “bouncing back” 

Learning how to have kids and take care of a household while also investing in yourself is a difficult balance to achieve. There’s no one size fits solution. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re just starting to think about self investments now. A lot of moms don’t have time to think about themselves until their kids are old enough to be in school all day or teenagers.

People who preach about bouncing back so quickly are probably hiding the realities of motherhood behind filters and edited photos.

Improved Relationships 

A lot of women don’t realize how investing in themselves actually improves their marriages, friendships, and relationships with family members. When you’re feeling tired, drained, and unhappy it’s hard to show up for others sometimes. You may start to feel anxious or resentful when you constantly drop everything to care for your kids.

Self investment allows you to care for yourself mentally and emotionally.

Your partner will notice you’re happy and trying to better yourself. Your kids will grow up understanding how important self care and health is. You’ll have more energy for friends again. 

Investing in yourself isn’t taking away from your kids or family. You’re enhancing the lives of everyone around you when you improve your own.

Create Your Future Self 

After the baby years, many parents realize they forgot about their life outside of kids. It’s easy to get consumed by kids’ routines and forget about yourself in the process. While children will play a big role in your life for many years to come, they shouldn’t consume your entire identity.

Allow yourself to dream about the future again:

• What experiences do you want to check off your bucket list?
• What goals do you want to reach? 
• What will make you feel fulfilled in the next 10 years?

Your life matters too. 

True happiness comes from growing in every aspect of your life, not just the parts involving your kids.

Conclusion 

Reclaiming yourself doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy motherhood or spending time with your kids. It means you still care about other parts of your life too. Allow yourself to grow, change, and invest in things that make YOU happy and fulfilled.