Ever since getting pregnant with my 2nd child when my daughter was only 6 months old, I felt this irrational fear that I couldn’t possibly love another baby as much as I loved my first. I wasn’t as afraid of being able to handle two kids, but my thoughts were more consumed by feelings of guilt toward my daughter that I had to share my love with another baby.
My daughter was so perfect to me. She was such an easy newborn- slept well, didn’t cry much, and loved to snuggle. Now as a toddler, she’s so smart, affectionate, and beautiful. I’ll be honest, I feel like my next child couldn’t POSSIBLY be as great as her. You can’t get that lucky twice, right? She is my sweet, little angel and no one else could compare.
Mom guilt feelings
As the time grows closer to giving birth, the fear and anxiety is growing more and more. I get nervous that the love at first sight feeling when you meet your child for the first time just won’t happen again. I feel like I will always be comparing the two of them. From their behaviors and temperament to milestones and sleep habits.
Will I have a favorite child?
Will one be more spoiled than the other with my time and attention?
Is it not fair to my second baby that he will never get all of the undivided attention that my first baby did?
These are just a few of the thoughts that run through my mind both in regards to how my first child feels, as well as the second.
How long will it take her to adjust to a new baby being in the house?
Will my first born still feel as loved or like we are abandoning her for the new baby?
Did I spend enough time with her while I had the chance or was I always too busy?
Should I have waited longer to have the second or was this good timing?
Of course down the road she will hopefully understand how we gave her the best gift she could possibly have, but for now she’s just too young to understand that.
These feelings are normal
If you’re going through these feelings, just know that it’s totally normal! I’ve heard plenty of other moms say the same thing and they realized they were wrong about all of it. I am sure that I have enough love to give and I can’t wait to meet my son. I try to tell myself that the next baby doesn’t have to take her place, but will just be an amazing new addition to our family.
I’ll definitely be updating you guys once Brayden is here and hopefully I can tell you that all those fears and worrying were for nothing!
OMG was I wrong! I might be more in love with this new baby than I was as a first time mom. I never thought that could happen, but it did. I can now tell you that all the fears I had were completely irrational (as my husband kept telling me they would be).
Although life is a bit tougher now with 2 children under 16 months, taking care of the newborn has been much easier than with the first. The delivery was easier, nursing came easier, and I even get more sleep! I think after comparing him to my toddler, I’ll take a baby that sleeps all day over an energetic toddler running around the house! Of course, I am tired and barely leave the house, but when I look in that little boy’s eyes, its all worth it.
After having this second baby, I just feel so much more experienced and less worried over every little thing. I’m able to draw on my previous experience and also realize that the things I was nervous about last time always worked themselves out. The worries over ‘is the baby eating enough?’, ‘shouldn’t she have been crawling already?’ and ‘will she ever sleep through the night?’ always turned out fine. So this time I know there’s nothing to worry over.
My fears about my first born feeling left out or neglected were definitely irrational as well. She absolutely adores having a baby in the house. She always wants to know where he is and what he’s doing and says baby all day long. She doesn’t get mad or jealous when we are holding him and he’s the perfect addition to our family. I can’t wait for them to start playing together and I couldn’t have given her a more perfect gift than a lifetime best friend.
I also was nervous about having a boy this time. I was such a ‘girl mom.’ I love headbands, dresses, and all things pink. I wasn’t that into boy clothes and definitely not trucks and superheros. Although I haven’t had to buy boy toys yet, I’m obsessed with how cute he looks in his little sweaters and button downs. My daughter is definitely a daddy’s girl and I can’t wait to experience that mother son bond too.
So I realized I was worried over nothing and as soon as they put that sweet little boy in my arms, I felt the same immense amount of love I felt the first time, if not more. This time around I will savor each and every moment of him being this little because I know how fast it goes.