Embracing Good-Enough Sex in the Empty Nest Years

by REBECCA HOWARD EUDY, PhD, LMHC

Barry McCarthy and Emily McCarthy’s concept of “good enough sex” offers a refreshing perspective (Metz & McCarthy, 2011). This approach encourages couples to redefine their expectations for sex, shifting the focus from performance and perfection to connection and mutual satisfaction. For many couples, especially those facing the physical and emotional shifts of aging, this framework provides a practical and compassionate way to maintain sexual connection without pressure.

McCarthy and McCarthy emphasize that sexual encounters don’t have to be spontaneous or mind-blowing every time. Instead, they celebrate sex that is intentional, emotionally connected, and fulfilling within the context of a couple’s current reality. This approach acknowledges the challenges that often come with midlife—such as hormonal changes, health issues, and shifting energy levels—and encourages couples to adapt their expectations and activities rather than avoid being sexual altogether.

The framework also highlights the importance of communication in maintaining a healthy sexual relationship. Couples are encouraged to talk openly about their needs and desires, and any barriers they may be experiencing. This honesty can help demystify challenges such as decreased libido or physical discomfort, reducing the shame or frustration that can sometimes arise. By creating a space for vulnerability, partners can work together to foster intimacy that feels satisfying and meaningful for both.

In the context of the empty nest, good-enough sex offers couples the chance to view this phase as an opportunity to explore intimacy with renewed curiosity and care. It’s a reminder that the goal isn’t to recapture what intimacy looked like in the past, but rather to create a new, realistic vision for the future. By embracing this approach, couples can prioritize connection and find joy in closeness, no matter how it looks.

From Good Enough to Magnificent

Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz and Dr. A. Dana Ménard (2020), in their book Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers, offer a refreshing and hopeful perspective on sexual  fulfillment, particularly as people age. Their research identifies elements that make up truly extraordinary sexual experiences, including authenticity, vulnerability, engagement, communication, exploration, and connection—qualities that often flourish with age.

Older adults, with their years of experience and deeper understanding of themselves and their partners, tend to prioritize emotional intimacy and meaningful connection over performance or physical perfection. This shift allows for a richer, more satisfying approach to sexuality—one grounded in pleasure, trust, comfort, and mutual understanding.

Kleinplatz and Ménard (2020) challenge the common belief that declining physical abilities inevitably lead to diminished sexual vitality. Instead, they emphasize that while physical changes may require adaptability, these shifts can inspire couples to explore new ways of connecting and experiencing pleasure.

Far from being a limitation, aging becomes an opportunity to focus on emotional depth, shared joy, and the qualities that make intimacy truly meaningful. Their work reframes aging as a time for growth and enhanced sexual satisfaction, where connection takes precedence over mechanics.

This perspective is especially powerful for couples navigating the empty nest stage. With more time and fewer distractions, partners have the chance to rediscover each other and cultivate a deeper connection. Without the daily stresses of parenting, they can slow down and tune

in. Magnificent sex, as Kleinplatz and Ménard describe, isn’t about spontaneity or flawless technique—it’s about creating an environment of trust, openness, and shared joy. By embracing these principles, couples can build deeply fulfilling intimate experiences that enrich their relationship.

The Legacy of Love

As couples move into the empty nest stage, it’s easy to think that the impact of their relationship on their children diminishes. After all, the kids are grown, more independent, and living their own lives. However, the truth is that a strong, thriving partnership continues to play a vital role in shaping the emotional and relational health of adult children.

The love and connection you cultivate as a couple creates a legacy that benefits not only your relationship but also the broader family dynamic.

When adult children see their parents prioritizing their relationship, it sets a powerful example of what healthy love and connection look like. Watching you navigate the empty nest years with intentionality teaches them that relationships require effort and care. This modeling gives them a blueprint for fostering their own healthy partnerships, showing that love isn’t static but evolves and deepens with time and commitment.

A strong relationship between parents also provides a stable foundation that supports family bonds, even as dynamics shift. In the empty nest stage, the family unit undergoes a reconfiguration: Children establish their independence, and parents transition into a new phase of life. Amid these changes, a thriving partnership anchors the family, offering a sense of continuity and security. When children see their parents connected and content, it reassures them that their family remains a safe and supportive space, even as they grow into adulthood.

Investing in your partnership during this stage can also prevent your children from feeling burdened by concerns about your happiness. Adult children often carry a sense of responsibility for their parents’ emotional well-being, especially if they sense disconnection or dissatisfaction in the relationship. A thriving partnership allows your children to focus on their own lives without the weight of worrying about your fulfillment. They can engage with you as adults and equals, rather than feeling the need to mediate or “fix” your relationship.

Ultimately, the love and effort you pour into your relationship creates a ripple effect that strengthens the entire family. By prioritizing your connection as a couple, you’re not just building a fulfilling life for yourselves—you’re also creating a legacy of love, stability, and resilience that will shape the emotional landscape of your family for generations to come. This is the gift of a thriving partnership: It nurtures not only the bond between partners but also the bonds that tie the family together, even as you all grow and change. 

REBECCA HOWARD EUDY, Ph.D., LMHC, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist, licensed mental health counselor, and certified Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) couples therapist. She specializes in helping couples navigate desire differences, emotional disconnection, and the complex realities of intimacy during the parenting years.

With over a decade of clinical experience, Rebecca combines research-backed approaches with practical tools to help couples build stronger emotional and sexual connections. She is the co-host of the podcast The Love Lab (Uncensored) and the founder of Parents in Love Coaching. Her first book, Parents in Love: A Guide to Great Sex After Kids, will be published by PESI Publishing in Fall 2025.

A married mother of two and a lifelong student of relationships, Rebecca brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. She is passionate about helping couples move past shame, improve communication, and rekindle intimacy—with curiosity, care, and compassion.