Watching someone you love grieve the loss of a baby due to a miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, or even the loss of an older child can be agonizing. You may be unsure how to respond, what to do, or how to help.
You may wonder if giving gifts for a miscarriage or buying a present for someone who lost a baby is the appropriate action to take.
While gifts could never in a million years take the pain of losing a baby away, they do show that you care and that the parents are not alone.
Following is a compilation of gifts for someone who has had a miscarriage and some tips on buying a present for someone who lost a baby.
Should I send a gift to someone who lost a baby?
When trying to decide on gifts for someone who lost a baby, you may be wondering if a gift is appropriate. Will it send the wrong message or be seen as offensive in some way?
While I can’t guarantee the response of your loved one in such a heartbreaking time, I can say that a gift given out of love is never a bad thing.
Like I said before, a gift can never take away the unbelievable pain that your loved one is experiencing, but it can be a great way to let them know that you are there, that you care, and that their grief is understood.
Gifts for Someone Who Lost a Baby
The following items would make great gifts for a loved one who lost a baby through miscarriage, still birth, or any other loss.
Food or Meals
When someone is going through a hard time such as the loss of a baby, the last thing they have on their mind is taking care of themselves. It is still important that they eat, but they may not have it in them to prepare a meal.
A meal train is a great way to support your loved ones, and also to have others to support them as well. After a loss, many people are overwhelmed with gifts of food, but the support does eventually dwindle. Setting up a meal train is a great way to ensure your loved one is cared for weeks or even months down the road.
Molly Bears are a unique gift for someone who lost a baby. These weighted teddy bears are made to be the EXACT weight that the baby was at the time of the loss. They also include other accessories to commemorate their little loved one.
If you happen to know a local housekeeper, this is a great gift for someone who lost a baby. Chores and household things still need to be taken care of, but your loved one is not in the state of mind to care for these things.
Gifting a house cleaning can help take some of the stress off their shoulders.
A customized keepsake box can help parents remember their lost little one with all the beautiful treasures they want to keep tucked away and close to their heart.
If your loved one already bought clothing or items for their baby, they may want to keep those memories in a safe place where they can always keep them close. You can grab this box on Etsy.
This beautiful candle with its sweet poem would be the perfect gift for someone who lost a baby. The warm glow of the candle flame flickering and the sweet words will remind them of their baby. It is also a beautiful show of the love you have for them.
This gift for someone who lost a baby is sweet and sentimental. When someone has a miscarriage, if the baby was far enough along, the healthcare providers may offer the parents to take footprints of their child.
If you can get those from the parents, you can have the child’s footprint, fingerprint, or handprint printed on a necklace for a thoughtful gift they are sure to treasure forever.
This art is an amazing gift for someone who lost a baby. It is a great gift for miscarriages as sometimes it may be the only photo the family has with their baby. You can have this artwork customized to the family to reflect the tiny angel lost, but never forgotten.
This simple and dainty ring can be a great gift for someone who lost a baby. Engraved with a date, it allows them to keep the reminder of their little one close to their heart.
A Quilt Made from Baby Clothes
If the loss was one of an infant, still born, or older child and you know the family well enough, getting some of the clothing and having it made into a quilt is a heartwarming idea. You can have someone you know to complete this or consider hiring someone on Etsy.
Flowers are always a sweet gesture to show someone that you’re thinking of them. While it’s not my favorite gift because they don’t last very long, it still shows your compassion for the tough time that they are having.
Name in the Sand Portrait
Seashore of remembrance will create a personalized artwork in the sand in memory of your loved ones loss. This will be a perfect gift for someone who lost a baby or older child.
Sculpture Cast in Heart
This sculpture cast in a resin heart is the perfect gift for miscarriages. The tiny sculpture is cast in the same size that the baby was when their tiny wings were gained.
Because the parents-t-be are going through a stressful time right now, let your loved one know they are loved with this beautiful and thoughtful spa box. Create a box with some therapeutic essentials or purchase one already made from Etsy.
What to Say or Not to Say to a Women Who Had a Miscarriage
Helping a friend or family member through the loss of a baby can be so hard. Here are some important things to remember when trying to be mindful of their feelings and how your words can be perceived.
Things you SHOULD say:
When deciding what to say to your loved one who is grieving the loss of a baby, the list is actually quite short. There is NOTHING you can say that will take the pain away, but there are things that you may say that will hurt them more.
Being mindful of your words when you are comforting your loved one can mean a lot. Here is a list of things to say, that are mindful and appreciated:
- I’m sorry.
- I love you.
- I’m here for you.
- This is not your fault.
As important as it is to know what to say, it is even MORE important to know what NOT to say to your loved ones. You can very easily unintentionally make their grief even worse by saying the wrong thing.
Even if your heart is in the right place saying things such as below, can leave a lasting mark on your loved ones heart.
Refrain from the phrase- “At least…”
If you are about to start a phrase with “at least…” just stop. Whatever you are about to say is irrelevant and not helpful. These words seem to imply you believe there is a silver lining to your loved ones lost.
While silver linings may be good, it is not something that will bring comfort to your grieving loved one.
Absolutely refrain from using the following statements:
- At least you CAN get pregnant.
- At least you weren’t farther along.
- At least you are young, you still have time.
- At least it happened when things are slow at work.
- At least you already have children.
- At least it wasn’t REALLY a baby.
Just rememeber if your statement starts with “at least…”. It’s a no. Just no. Don’t say it.
Never say “You can try again”
If you are trying to comfort your loved one by saying they can try again, it likely will not be perceived well. Trying again is just a loaded question, and shouldn’t be brought up by you… ever.
Stay away from: “I’m sure…”
Saying “I’m sure…” isn’t any better than “at least…”. Just don’t say it.
Losing a baby is a earth shattering reminder that no one is “sure” of anything. Saying you are “sure” is just a statement that you cannot back up, and while you are trying to be helpful- it’s not.
- You are NOT “sure” things will be different if they try again.
- You are NOT “sure” the baby was unhealthy, and this is why it happened.
- You CAN’T be “sure” there was a good reason for the loss.
Saying you are “sure” may make you feel better but it is a useless, empty statement to those you love.
Don’t say, “This is common”
Sure. Miscarriage IS common, and statistic say that maybe even YOU have experienced one. This may help “some” women to cope, but not most. Saying this is “common” seems to minimize the hurt that your loved one is feeling.
Don’t project YOUR beliefs
Even if you know your loved one shares similar beliefs to you, it’s important to not project your beliefs at this time. Your loved one is experiencing severe grief and may not be in the state of mind to hear these types of statements.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- This was a part of God’s plan.
- This baby wasn’t in God’s plan.
- God wanted the baby more.
- The baby was too beautiful for earth.
- Just pray
Be careful not to place blame
Here are some facts to keep you up to date. The miscarriage did not happen because:
- The mother did something wrong
- Mom had a beer
- Mom drank coffee
- Mom worked out at the gym
It is so important that mom knows this is NOT her fault. Nothing she did could have caused this. Miscarriages happen for so many reasons, many we don’t even know of.
Even if you would never say those things to the mom, make sure you’re not saying that behind her back either. It may get back to her and there is really nothing that mom could have done differently.
When your loved ones are experiencing the trauma of grief, nothing you say can make anything better. The things you say are not necessarily what they always hear. Choose your words carefully and refrain from the statements above.
Choose one of the gifts for miscarriages or infant loss that are listed to let them know you care.