When One Parent Wants to Move Away: How to Help Children Understand What Happens Next

When one parent wants to move away, perhaps for a job, a new relationship, or to be closer to family, there’s a lot for the adults to work through. But somewhere in the middle are the children, who need to understand what’s happening and what it means for them.

Getting that conversation right matters, and so does the timing. What you can honestly tell your children depends on how settled the move actually is. The key things to get right are:

• Understand the legal position before talking about the move as if it’s definite.
• Tell children what they need to know without making promises you can’t keep.
• Make future arrangements, particularly contact with each parent, easy to picture.

What follows covers both sides: sorting out where you stand legally and helping your children through the change. It’s written for either parent, whether you’re the one leaving or the one staying.

Sort Out the Legal Position Before You Say Anything to the Children

Moving abroad and moving within England and Wales are treated differently. Taking a child out of the country to live permanently needs the written consent of everyone with parental responsibility, or a court order. Going without either can amount to child abduction under the Child Abduction Act 1984. An internal move doesn’t automatically require permission, but that doesn’t mean one parent can simply announce it. If the move would disrupt existing arrangements or involve changing schools, the other parent can challenge it, and school admission is often where the disagreement surfaces.

Work out which situation applies before speaking to the children. Once you’ve told a child they may be moving, you can’t easily undo the worry if the move doesn’t happen. Where consent is refused, the parent wanting to move can apply for a specific issue order, while the parent opposing it can ask the court to stop the move.

It’s worth establishing early which application, if any, fits your circumstances. Stowe Family Law’s children law team handles specific issue and prohibited steps orders alongside international relocation cases, so a first conversation can clarify whether you need an application or whether the disagreement could be resolved through mediation. You’ll normally need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting before making a court application anyway.

Know What the Court Will and Will Not Decide

The child’s welfare is the court’s paramount consideration under section 1 of the Children Act 1989, and the welfare checklist guides the decision. A judge considers the child’s wishes and feelings according to their age and understanding, their physical, emotional and educational needs, the likely effect of the change, and each parent’s ability to meet their needs. A prohibited steps order prevents something from happening, while a specific issue order decides a particular question. Both are section 8 orders made on the same welfare basis.

In a relocation case, the court may consider questions such as:

• Is the proposed move genuine, or motivated by a wish to exclude the other parent?
• Is it realistic and properly planned, including schooling, housing and finances?
• What would refusing the move mean for the moving parent?
• What would allowing it mean for the child’s relationship with the parent staying behind?

Every case turns on its own facts, and no solicitor can promise a particular result. Keep that uncertainty in mind when speaking to your children too. Don’t tell them something is definitely happening when the legal position is still undecided.

Decide What to Tell the Children and When

Timing matters more than finding the perfect words. Tell children once the position is settled, or at least settled enough that you aren’t asking them to live with months of uncertainty. A child told in March about a possible September move could spend the next six months worrying about a decision they have little control over.

Where you can, tell them together. Hearing one calm, shared account means children don’t have to listen to two different versions and work out which one to believe. Keep the details appropriate for their age and leave blame out entirely.

Be careful when asking what they want, too. Children should be listened to, but that’s different from making them feel responsible for the outcome. A child who thinks their answer decides whether Mum or Dad moves can end up carrying a responsibility that was never theirs to bear.

Answer the Questions Children Actually Ask

Children’s questions are often much more practical than adults expect. They’re likely to want to know:

• Where will I sleep?
• Will I change school?
• When will I see Mum or Dad?
• What about my friends?
• Can I take the dog?

Answer what you know and be straightforward about what you don’t. “We haven’t worked that out yet, and we’ll tell you as soon as we have” is better than giving a reassuring answer that later turns out to be wrong.

The same goes for contact. Don’t promise a fortnightly weekend if you don’t yet know whether the distance, cost or practical arrangements will allow it. A promise that later becomes once a month can be harder for a child than an honest answer from the start. If they ask something you can’t answer immediately, say you’ll come back to it, and make sure you do.

Show Children What Contact Will Look Like in Practice

Children can struggle with vague ideas such as “seeing Dad regularly” or “spending plenty of time with Mum”. Make the arrangement concrete. You could:

• Put visits on a calendar they can see.
• Agree fixed days and times for video calls.
• Count down the sleeps until the next visit with younger children.
• Explain who will travel, how they’ll get there and how long it will take.

It can also help to show children the new place before they have to live with the idea of it. Visit if you can, or look around the area together online. Find the park, swimming pool and school. Let them choose something for their new room. Small details can turn an unknown place into somewhere they can actually imagine living.

For longer distances, contact often changes from frequent short visits to longer blocks during school holidays. Explaining what that will look like in practice can make the change easier to understand.

Support Children Through the Months That Follow

Don’t assume that because a child seemed fine when you told them, they’ll stay fine. Reactions can come later. Look out for changes such as:

• Sleep problems or clinginess.
• Anger or becoming unusually quiet.
• A dip in how they’re doing at school.
• Difficulty settling into new routines.

Tell the school what’s happening so teachers can notice changes and offer support if needed. At home, keep everyday routines as steady as you reasonably can and help children stay in touch with friends from their old area. Those friendships can matter more than adults sometimes realise, particularly for children over about eight.

Helping Your Children Settle Into What Comes Next

Start by getting the legal position clear. Then tell your children what’s happening honestly, without promising more than you know, and make the new arrangements concrete enough for them to understand what everyday life will look like. After that, give everyone time to adjust.

Children notice how the adults around them handle a move. Parents don’t have to agree about everything, but cooperating where possible gives children more room to settle into a change they didn’t choose. Where agreement isn’t possible, or where a move abroad is proposed, getting specialist advice early can help clarify the legal position and protect the relationships that matter to your children.